You ever hear the saying "Opinions are like assholes, everybody has one"? It's only half right. While everyone does have one of each, the similarities end there. Because there is one important difference there. Besides the obvious one I mean. See, as a rule, people rarely go around shoving their assholes down the throats of anyone they disagree with. At least, not without getting arrested.
When that occurred to me, it got me thinking about other things no one seems to notice. So I put my thoughts here in this blog, to limit the damage my thoughts might cause. Isn't that considerate of me?
Well, I guess that putting them here won't help the minds of anyone who reads this post. But nobody's perfect. And besides, I trust you to stay sane. You seem cool.
You ever notice how strange things are in TV land? I call it that because it is a such a weird place that it deserves a name. To set it apart from reality. For example: when the people of TV land have a problem, there is almost always a solution to be found. Often, finding it happens at predictable 30 or 60 minute intervals.
In TV land, violence can be the answer to your problems, and it usually is the most effective one. No one important dies in TV land, unless it is during sweeps. The list goes on. But I recently noticed that there is a second, less believable version of TV land, and it happens during the commercials.
Think about it. In commercial land, people are often abnormally cheerful. If they aren't, then the nasty old brand x that is making them sad will soon be replaced. By a mysterious voice-over booming from above. Actually, all sorts of weird stuff happens in ads, and yet we don't even blink.
I saw an ad with some lady talking to her shower head. I guess she needed advice on hard water stains, from an inanimate object. Now, if you were in the bathroom, and your shower head started talking to you about cleaning products, would you happily take its advice? Or would you run out of that bathroom, never to return unarmed?
Another thing about commercial land, the people seem like they are almost insane with cheer. Maybe they ARE crazy. That'd explain it. They might be in such a good mood because they just finished singing in a barbershop quartet with the toilet, a bar of soap, and the voices in their head. Hell I might be happy too, if my mind were that far gone.
Sometimes I wonder how people 'discovered' which of the foods we eat are edible. Or how to prepare them. I mean, who had the revolutionary idea to add yeast to either rotting fruit and grains, so they can make alcohol? Yet another question I have is about who figured out that its possible to pickle a pigs feet and then eat them?
But here's the real question. Who invented the way to prepare civet coffee? Because, to do that, you first have a kind of cat called a civet eat the beans, when they are still berries. The cat then digests them, in order to make them less acidic. Guess what step three is, and where you harvest the beans? I call it cat shit coffee. Google that phrase, if you don't believe me.
One thing is certain though. I bet that coffee isn't an option at your local Starbucks. I know they were the ones who brilliantly decided to rename cup sizes to words people can't remember. But I still have to believe they can't be that stupid. Besides, at 10 bucks a cup (yes that's the price for cat shit coffee), even Starbucks has to draw the line.