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Writing a Funny blog for Google will drive me sane!

6/7/2013

Comments

 

I've never found writers block to be much of a problem, I like writing funny posts when I get the time. They don't require much effort to think up- with one exception. Having to keep up with all the annoying changes to Google's search engine. 



Those changes affect a website's position in search results, so I can't just ignore them, as much as I want to. Without people being able to find me online, I might as well be mumbling to myself in a padded cell.


And with all the effort I've spent to get Google’s attention, I could actually have snapped, and just didn't notice. Maybe I'm at the loony bin right now. Scribbling the words "I'm feeling unlucky" all over the wall while laughing at something only I think is funny.


You see, when someone searches Google, the results list is largely sites written by people who figured out the best way to word their websites, so they rank higher than the honest webmasters, who just started writing, and assumed that Google could find my page. They have the advantage, because of the idea that people should just be able to write good stuff and get found if it's relevant. Crazy I know. 

Funny Google Pic
I'm not done with Google yet, click for more

I get it! SEO is Google's idea of telling computer jokes


I'm not sure how all of this is opposed to make the results better, it just seems like the term SEO should be more honestly defined as "spam you can get away with". Kind of like saying "mildly offensive murderer"


On the upside, I have had plenty to rant about, and have a much easier time getting guest
blogs because they had something to rant about too...


So what happens if I rank first for the keyword Google? Do people search Google for Google? Can I compete for it anyways? 


Since spam linking to your site is bad, and can hurt your visitors, (even though it is on ANOTHER SITE that I have no control over), I wonder what happens when spammers unite, and start backlinking en masse to the Google blog? You know, the one they use to make proclamations about which HTML tags are evil this year? Most importantly, is there something I can do to make that happen more quickly? 


Even worse, the biggest abusers of the system don't get hit. Case in point: Websites owned by politicians should have been hit much harder for irrelevant keywords. They do it all the time. Examples include: trust, honesty, integrity, and competence. During an election year, the only keywords relevant to a politician after the month of June would be a blog post about The Bulls. One that happens to be on a page alongside obscene references to fecal matter.



And I wonder if I am the only person who cant stop thinking about making a website with the worst SEO possible? So I can hold on to it, so I can spam backlinks at the websites for both political parties and the media. Do it just before the traditional running of the loons... I mean Presidential elections. Let's see em annoy me for almost two years then. Do you think that if I actually managed to pull it off, I'd get some kind of a medal?



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    Written By:
    Randy Smith

    With all the crazy jokes here, it's obvious: I was hit in the head a few times when I was a child. With a hammer. I don't remember what I was trying to accomplish though...



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