Since the fear of dying in the streets has made heroes out of lazy people like me, I have been looking for something to do. Don’t get me wrong, I really enjoyed a week or two not having to participate in the daily grind of dealing with people who seem to have severe brain damage.
But, surprisingly, I have gotten bored. And so, I have decided I want to look for a job. But not just any job. No. I want one with benefits, pays well, has top notch insurance and without that pesky requirement of having experience.
I don’t have time to get a degree, so it has to be one that you can get with my current level of education. Bonus if I can find a place who has someone incompetent already working there. I can either steal their job, or just look awesome when I apply. I’ll get hired because hey, I can’t be worse at it than THAT guy. You know the kind of guy I’m talking about. You worked with that guy. And I can be better than that guy. Easy.
Then it hit me. I can be President! Sure, I have no political experience, but neither did the last guy to land the job. No education in the field? Perfect. Can I annoy the hell out of people who disagree with me, as a way of uniting the people who do? Oh hell yeah. My morals might be a problem, but hey. I can ignore those as well as most. Can I be bribed? Give me $100 and you’ll find out. Make sure you put“p0olitical campaign funds” in the memo line of any check you write. I’m not looking to do anything illegal here. Yet. And given the guy doing the job now… Hey. I got a shot.
You may say that my lack of experience is a disqualifier. That, “The President has all of our lives in our hands. I wouldn’t hire an inexperienced and unqualified person to perform brain surgery, so why should I hand you the launch codes?” My reply… See: 2016
You might say I’m kind of an asshole. My response would be to add that to my resume, and thank you for reminding me of a legitimate qualification. My only objection is the ‘kind of’ part.
I can call names like the best of them. My only problem would be my instincts. I tent to listen to experts. It’s a problem. So, if you have a degree in political science, comment with some good advice for me to ignore. If it’s really good, I may add you to my cabinet, so I can ignore you full time. Win/win.
You may support the guy we have. Then you should love this! I’ll split the ‘sane’ voting bloc. If you hate him… Well, don’t you want him to have an opponent with charisma?
If anything, I’m overqualified. So my slogan will be… Vote less stupid in 2020!