The President started a new craze. He's crazy, so of course he did.
With so many people talking about fake news, it's clearly the hottest trend. It's in more demand than a lucky Baby Yoda foot. Every time a big news story breaks, a stampede of people floods the comment section of every website imaginable to use their favorite new phrase. It's the 21st century equivalent of mood rings. And when used properly, leads to results with the same amount of accuracy. I forget, what color is supposed to be existential dread again?
I've decided to do the American thing, and try to make money off of it. The only problem is, reality is insane. How do I compete with headlines about the President musing about the medical potential of disinfectants? I have to be on top of my game. But I have to admit, inspiration wasn't hard to find
I could report that there is now scientific proof that MAGA hats cause brain damage. It would be irresistible to people obsessed with the fake news fad. It ticks all the right boxes. A story in the media, about how people who spent their lives studying a subject, with a discovery in their field that somehow makes Trump look bad? Irresistible.
I can see the memes now. And finding pictures to accompany this story would be easy. No photographer needed, a Google image search will do the trick. I'm sure there's plenty of photos out there of people with mental impairments wearing MAGA hats.
The only downside is that it isn't true. MAGA hats don't cause stupidity. It's a preexisting condition. This is a serious problem, people who are fans of that phrase seem to favor using it on stories that report actual facts
Maybe I should try an opinion piece that studies find alcohol to be a performance enhancing drug for political pundits supporting Donald Trump on cable news. Dealing with all the stupid things he does to shoot himself in the food, at least this one is very likely to be true. Hmmm, maybe not. People might just ask "What performance is there to be enhanced? I can spew crap too"
Besides, everyone knows the political pundit crowd prefers meth. Just look at Kellyane Conway
I could try an in depth expose, describing how I went undercover to learn that conspiracy theories are part of a secret plot to distract us from the mole people. It would be an interesting angle. That crowd loves a good conspiracy. They couldn't possibly pass up thr chance to attack a story about how conspiracies are simply made up to fool the gullible.
Writing it could be fun. I could try to see how many subtle jokes I could slip in, and spend hours just finding excuses to use phrases like "underhanded", "buried truth", "dirty tactics", "dig deeper", and "I have the dirt". The possibilities for ground based puns are endless.
Wait. That's a horrible idea. Clearly the Illuminati are our real overlords. And those brilliant people deserve it. I'd post my Paypal link for them here, but they already have it.
Just spitballing some other ideas here. Maybe a story about how Bigfoot was made up by the Loch Ness monster to mess with abominable snowman's head. Na, I'd probably get replies about how both of them are aliens trying to illegally hunt unicorns or something.
Maybe I could tell people that Sesame street is actually secretly propaganda to brainwash children to believe in the existence of the alphabet. It's crazy enough, and has that anti educational slant. Maybe the fact that it isn't true won't be a deal breaker here. I could say things like "Are you reading this? It worked. Open your eyes, letters are all around you."
Wait. Criticizing public television probably isn't something that would get me claims about fake news for some reason. People might just agree with me out of dislike for PBS
I'm overthinking this. I should just write CNN. If I can convince them to report anything I say, no matter the content, I'm in. Especially if it involves both truth and common sense. The claims and attention of being accused of being fake news will be enormous.
Question. Attention from people on the Internet pays well, right? I've never thought about asking. Yeah, of course it does. Everyone seems to want it, it must have monetary value of some kind. Right?