What to say to those you don't want to talk to
Well, today I guess I learned that the new number for my house isn't on the do not call list yet. Why do I say that? Because this is almost exactly what happened...
I set everything up, plugged in the phone, stepped back, and then... answered my first call from a telemarketer.
Got a couple more calls throughout the day, and every time I answered one, I had a nagging feeling that I was forgetting something. Then it hit me. My list of telemarketer responses! I haven't had a use for it lately, so now let's have some fun with it.
Pretend you don't speak English. Use sign language instead.
Get really excited about the product being sold, but ask completely irrelevant questions every chance you get.
Gravely inform the operator that you passed away, sometime last week. Ask if they will be attending your funeral, 1 PM sharp, yesterday. Hint strongly that they should bring a gift. Make sure they know that checks made out to cash are acceptable. If they sound like they may not be attending, lay on the guilt trip. I see, when you NEED to sell me something...
Have an ongoing conversation with yourself in a second tone of voice, commenting on whatever is said. Make it clear that your second voice is disapproving. and is suspicious of any 'telemarketing scams'. If asked about the voice, deny hearing anything, then imply the operator is crazy for 'hearing voices'.
Get really excited about the product being sold, then fake an emergency- so you have to put the call on hold. Then go on about your day/ (Note: Once, I did this, then came back half an hour later, to see the operator still hadn't hung up. I rewarded their temerity by unplugging the phone)
Other things to do to mess with the deserving...
Write the wrong Pin number on the back of your ATM card. If your card is ever stolen, and they lock it by entering the fake pin too many times, bonus points.