I was bored yesterday. Happens to the best of us. I can't always be a writing a funny blog, you know. Anyways, I was bored, with no mind numbing TV to render me too dumb to care. I started trying to fight off boredom for a few seconds by reading a McDonald's bag. Not very interesting, but it was there.
Now, when I read any literature about fast food, I skip any sections that contain the phrase“Nutrition Facts”. I'm bored, not masochistic- I'm looking for something funny or entertaining.
As I'm skimming, I notice, hidden among the normal marketing crap, jumbled together like a “Buy our shit” college, the phrase “We wash our lettuce twice”. Hmmmmm. That's something funny to put on your bags...
That is an interesting fact to use for marketing purposes. It almost sounds like a threat. As in “Buy our stuff- or the lettuce gets a THIRD washing MWAHAHAHAHA”.
Wait, this is news! That's right, you heard it here first- McDonald's is threatening to water-board it's lettuce for customers! Well, probably not, but it sure would make a great story for the news, wouldn't it? Someone call the tip line, quick! Tell whoever answers the phone that you've got a big tip for them. Then tell them you have a huge story, too.
Actually, a few questions came to mind. Were they not washing their lettuce twice before this? Is this a special promotion, where they give you a second lettuce washing, free of charge? Or did they always wash their lettuce twice, and are just now looking to cash in on the PR benefits? You know, by presenting old information to make it look like they are trying harder, or have improved in some way.
Do other fast food places wash their lettuce twice, or is this deal exclusive to McDonald's? Is there a list of every fast food chain, and their lettuce washing policies? A master lettuce blaster list, if you will. How do they wash the lettuce? Considering the company doing the washing, I doubt that it involved the ingredient known as 'love'.
This happens in more of a cooperate environment, I'm guessing. Think teenagers, grease, and a washing machine from 1957. One that only works on Thursdays, or when you don't need it to. Do they use bottled water, or am I supposed to choke down tap water with my lettuce?
In the end, the next time I'm bored, I think I'll stick with fiction. It raises fewer questions, and makes more sense.
Here's an open letter of encouragement for ambulance chasing lawyers