Spend an hour each day, looking for the most heartfelt and deeply meaningful blog posts you can find. Troll them with fart jokes. Post a link to your page several times per comment.
Use Myspace as your one-stop source for social media promotion.
Set the language tag for your page to “Zothorian” and your location to “My imagination”
Use the site description “Here there be malware. Stop by for the spam, stay to get infected by the latest virus”
Use the 'Windings' font on your homepage, and for any content that may be deemed useful to anyone
Optimize for the keyword phrase “Buy broken prophylactics”
Buy advertising, promote your business as a “Fast Food by Mail” site, offer only standard delivery.
Post a 145 minute YouTube video showing a blank wall, titled “Watching paint dry- IN SLOW MOTION!” and link it to your site. Enable comments
Buy cheap hosting from a company that has a 90% downtime rate for their own website.
Submit your website to all the major search engines- use only email. Include a profanity-laden paragraph explaining exactly why they should go to hell.