I've been noticing a lot of unnecessary warning labels lately. Like on an ice cream container "Keep frozen" and "Contents are hot" on fries and coffee.
Now I am aware of some the lawsuits that caused all these warnings, and at first I thought that people don't need to be protected from their own stupidity. But then I realized, I CAN MAKE MONEY OFF THIS! Here's how.
I should find where the people who write these things work... and apply for a job. I bet I could come up with great useless warnings. Plus, if I got a job writing these, I will never run out of work.
There is so much work out there, I could do this for the rest of my life. Maybe I should start a collection of sample warnings, for prospective employers.
Here they are:
(on all underwear) remove before urinating or defecating
(on boxer shorts) May contain nuts
(on toilet paper) not to be taken internally
(on mustard and mosquito repellent) not to be snorted
(on vaseline) not a condiment
(on caffeine pills) do not feed to chihuahuas
(on extension cords) not to be used as bungee rope
(on bungee rope) not to be used as an extension cord
(on light bulbs) not to be taken rectally
(on power sockets) not to be used to play operation
(on used syringes) not to be used for acupuncture
(on hairpins) not to be used on pubic hair
(on guns) do not point at face
(on condoms) not to be used as a finger puppet
There are many more of these, I could get drunk and figure out some more. The funniest thing about that list is that some people actually did those things...