If captcha is supposed to prevent spam, why do they both still annoy me daily?
If you want to keep anyone under 20 from getting in to your site, just use this...
For the solution, have them type the name of the object. You can even give a hint like: F---p- D---.
Or, you could show a picture of a cassette tape, tangled in it's own ribbon. Ask them what eraser equipped tool is the solution.
Looking at profile pages for people online, I have one wish- that people would at least try a little bit harder at inventing lies about themselves. If so many people love long walks on the beach- like the countless website profile pages, found all over the net would seem to claim, why aren't our nation's beaches full of people? You know, just wandering around aimlessly? Of course, I'm sure none of them would really need to take walks- since most of them are also claiming to be fitness gurus.
Spend an hour each day, looking for the most heartfelt and deeply meaningful blog posts you can find. Troll them with fart jokes. Post a link to your page several times per comment.
Use Myspace as your one-stop source for social media promotion.
Set the language tag for your page to “Zothorian” and your location to “My imagination”
Use the site description “Here there be malware. Stop by for the spam, stay to get infected by the latest virus”
Use the 'Windings' font on your homepage, and for any content that may be deemed useful to anyone
Optimize for the keyword phrase “Buy broken prophylactics”
Buy advertising, promote your business as a “Fast Food by Mail” site, offer only standard delivery.
Post a 145 minute YouTube video showing a blank wall, titled “Watching paint dry- IN SLOW MOTION!” and link it to your site. Enable comments
Buy cheap hosting from a company that has a 90% downtime rate for their own website.
Submit your website to all the major search engines- use only email. Include a profanity-laden paragraph explaining exactly why they should go to hell.
I was going through my email account today when I found a something interesting in my outbox. I must have sent it to Best Buy customer service department, possibly while I was bored, or annoyed with something I bought from them. This was from a long ways back, but I think the message remains relevant to this day.
So I thought I'd post it, to get an idea as to why they never responded...
Dear 'Best' Buy.
I had an experience recently that I thought I should share with you. It's kind of a trashy story, but there is a point to it, so bear with me.
It all began on a typical morning- one that was spent recovering from another round of my favorite game, "Drink the booze". I know, I know, it's not a healthy game. But hey, do what you're good at, right? Plus, it must have been fun. I know that must be true, mainly because I can't remember anything to prove otherwise.
I guess I'll start with when I first came to. When I drifted back to reality, I found that I had passed out in a public garbage can the night before. God only knows why.
While watching the news today, I heard, again, how everything we do online is watched by the Government. So, that weird looking guy with the tin hat I sometimes see was right all along. I should send him a funny ecard and a congratulatory email. Then cc a copy to the NSA. He would love that.
Jokes aside, this got me thinking of ways I could make life easier for the people listening to us. Like, for the sake of convenience, I could just send a copy of every email in my outbox to the NSA. Attach a note that reads "Here you go, since you're going to read them anyway". Then they will know I'm a trustworthy guy.
I've never found writers block to be much of a problem, I like writing funny posts when I get the time. They don't require much effort to think up- with one exception. Having to keep up with all the annoying changes to Google's search engine.
Those changes affect a website's position in search results, so I can't just ignore them, as much as I want to. Without people being able to find me online, I might as well be mumbling to myself in a padded cell.
And with all the effort I've spent to get Google’s attention, I could actually have snapped, and just didn't notice. Maybe I'm at the loony bin right now. Scribbling the words "I'm feeling unlucky" all over the wall while laughing at something only I think is funny.
You see, when someone searches Google, the results list is largely sites written by people who figured out the best way to word their websites, so they rank higher than the honest webmasters, who just started writing, and assumed that Google could find my page. They have the advantage, because of the idea that people should just be able to write good stuff and get found if it's relevant. Crazy I know.
I've been offline a while, while having my head examined. Some people call it 'Final Exams', but where is the humor in telling random strangers that?
I prefer to make all of my statements as attention getting, or at least as funny as possible. So final exams = getting my head examined. And roadkill = hillbilly buffet. But I digress.
Humor me. This IS a humor blog, right?
Sometimes I think that I am the only person alive who has a problem forgetting which log-ins are for which websites. Yes, I know there are apps for that, but my luck is not something to give opportunities like that to use against me . Humor me- it's from a lifetime of experience.
Let's just say I probably won't ever win the lotto, or even bingo.
The last time I used one of those 'password safe' apps, I ended up needing to re-install Windows a few days later. This was after, of course, I took the app designer's evil idea to change all my passwords to long strings of random numbers.
Right after my computer so thoughtfully corrupted the file with my passwords in it. The app developer's logic was, I didn't have to remember my passwords anymore, why make them simple to crack? I still hate him, to this day. Recovering every account you care about online is not a good way to reduce stress in your life, believe me.
OK, maybe it's funny in retrospect, and gives me a topic here, but still. I hate that random stranger.
But now, it's like my passwords are starting to outnumber my brain cells. It doesn't take a very large number to do that, I know. But when I try to remember which one to use when I HAVE to get into a page RIGHT NOW, they start to run together. Kind of like they are merging into a giant mass of captchas, email verification's and swearing.
This has even begun to affect my sleep. I swear, I had a dream one night where I stumbled into Facebook, tumblerrd down a hill, and then had to digg myself out, so that a del.icioo.us pinterest would stop flikring. Nightmare, yes. But it could have been much worse. I could have been awake and using Myspace. Nothing humorous about that, 'shudder'.
This post is dedicated to all the stupid people out there. May you never cease to amuse me
The other day I saw an online banner ad that read "Check this out, or I poke my wife in the eyes". Not sure about the psychology there. Is this guy expecting women to click his ad to prevent said poking, (and to help someone who would make the threat in the first place)?
I'm thinking that the ad doesn't seem very motivational to married men, after all. Or is he trying to get single, ugly men to click, to try and meet blind women with bad taste?